Of all the parisian excursions planned, these were the ones we (me, actually) were looking forward to the most.

Reality of just rocking up to Paris and hoping for the best is fairly standard procedure, but at the start of the week I did some googling and discovered you can, and probably should, pre-book tickets with time slots. Having queued several hours in February to get up the Tour Eiffel I decided that I did not want to do this in potentially very wet weather with 2 mithering kids in tow, so decided to do it.

And then discovered the earliest  we could get in was Friday. But it would make a good end to the week.

About 59€ for Montparnasse, with warnings of baggage xrays etc and about 78€ for the Catacombs, with reminders to turn up early and without any baggage as there’s no cloakroom and you don’t come out where you go in.

We took the RER from Maisons-Laffitte to Charles de Gaulle Étoile and métro ligne 6 to Gare de Montparnasse. This metro line has a section above ground with a great view of the Eiffel Tower, which the kids loved.

Getting out of the Gare Montparnasse, however, was not so much fun. The place was undergoing travaux, and the signage was pants. We ended up in the shopping centre above before we could find a sortie.

We were early for our slot so we headed for the first tourist hot-spot we could find, across 6 lanes of traffic with a zebra crossing that everyone ignored.

Cafe l’Atlantique was proper old-fashioned French, shame the prices weren’t! We had un double espresso, un chocolat chaud à l’ancien , deux frappés chocolat for the eye-watering price of 42€ 

We were still 15 minutes early but headed across the road to the tower. At 53 storeys high, it was easy to spot. The entrance scenario was not so clear. Most of the building is office space, with the entrance at one side. The tourist top floor and roof terrace, with supersonic lifts, has the entrance at the opposite side, which took us a while to find. It was pretty quiet with no queues, so we were a bit perplexed.

We did the baggage check and were directed into the lift. To say I’m not much of a fan of an ascenseur it was very smooth and quick. The display doesn’t even count off the floors until it gets to 51, all very convenient.

We showed our tickets when we got out of the lift, after a bit of trouble with the WiFi to get to the QR codes and had a walk around.

We spotted some of the famous sights along the Paris skyline and watched a film on the big screen about the evolution of the city, before heading up to the roof.

The roof terrace was fun, 360° panoramic views of the city and some big letters to pose with for your Instagram. If you’re prepared to queue, that is.

The tower is open till late, and at sunset, you can see the Eiffel Tower lit up. You can even buy tickets with a glass of champagne included. Maybe next time.

It’s worth saying at this point how easy this was, ok so a bit more price-wise than Eiffel, but a lot less queuing and messing about, and the views from the top were awesome.

That said, it was time to head underground.

It was about a 20 minute walk to the Catacombs. Nice easy stroll, especially as we didn’t want to enter the maze of  Gare de Montparnasse again, quite so soon.

We approached from the wrong direction but made it in good time. There were 2 queues, for if you have a time slot on the hour or on the half hour. They only let 20 people in at once for security reasons, so we had to wait our turn.

It’s a spiral staircase down just over 100m, (my poor thighs!) then a walk down a long, damp, dimly lit tunnel before you get to the ossuary, where the bones are.

This bit was the most unsettling of the whole trip. The boy child was convinced that something was going to jump out at him, although where from I don’t know, as there was no way out once you got in. He clung on tight to my hand and whined all the way.

At the entrance to the ossuary, there was a mini museum with lots of really engrossing information about the history of the city, the churchyards, the population, and the quarries.

This is where it really started, and although it might seem a bit macabre, it was really interesting, thought provoking and in some places, quite poetic.

The entrance to the ossuary definitely made you stop and think.

Once you step through this archway, it opens up, and the route is lined with neatly stacked bones. Millions of them. They are punctuated with dates and names of cemeteries and the odd line of poetry or philosophy.

At this point the boy was so amazed by the amount of bones, that his idea of something jumping out completely disappeared. Which is weird as there would have been plenty of space and opportunity to give someone a fright.

Over 300m of pathways through the ossuary. We took our time. It really was fascinating.

You can see why there are restrictions, though. The tunnels are narrow, there is a constant flow of people, and it’s not ideal for those with reduced mobility, breathing, or heart conditions.

At the far end, you climb another interminable spiral staircase and pop out in the gift shop. 20€ of souvenirs later, we stepped out into the fresh air.

It was peak hours on the metro, so we had to let a couple of jam-packed, sardine-like trains go before we could be sure we could all get on together, and headed back to camp for tea at la terrasse ( €135!!!) and England v Argentina on the telly.

Saturday morning was packing up time. We were off the site by 8.15, 6€ of pastries inside us, and one stop on the autoroute before getting back to Calais.

Cost us an absolute fortune in the end.

But it was worth it.

#campervancapers